Just the other day, I was talking to a friend and that friend had suffered a heartbreak recently(Of the romantic kind). I was giving him some pointers; which I thought were really worthy of sharing it with everyone in the Universe.. well, at least who have an Internet connection.
I really don’t know if the following methods are universal, but its perfect for Indian men(hopefully).
Here we go:
1) If you have photos, letters, gifts,etc from her, hide it. Do NOT throw them away. She would have given it out of some amount of adoration and its really disrespectful of her memory to throw it away. You would have had some wonderful time with her, cherish it, but do not obsess about it!
Remember, its about moving on, not disowning your relationship or the happy moments you had together. She was part of your history and will always will be. Cherish her memory, wish her well.
Take the material side effects of the relationship and put it in a cupboard, safe and sound.
2) Do NOT try to develop hateful emotions towards anyone(even if they were primarily responsible for your breakup, whoever it maybe); nor, it goes without saying, do anything to hurt her or anyone else. You are a better person than that.
3) Every relationship, not just romantic ones, teaches you something which can’t be put in words. If you are a teenager or a person in your early 20s, it is even more true. Do not forget the lessons of life. You are a better person today than you had been before you met her, you truly are, despite the pain. Do not mistake pain for failure.
Remember, you are the other half in that relationship. You have also contributed to her life and grown in the process.
4) Women have higher EQ. Men don’t. I get a feeling they are better equipped to deal with this. They do not need a tutorial or a post from an idiot blogger, to tell them what to do.
Do not call her. Its not your business anymore how she is dealing with the pain. As harsh it might seem, do not call her asking how she is doing.
Trust me, it makes it worse. If she says she is doing well, you will be angry and think she didn’t mean all those things she said before. If she says she is not doing well, you lose the progress you have made since your last breakup and there is a danger you have to start all over again.
Clearly, there is no way this will go right.
5) Friends. If you have heard some people say, “I know you, dude.. bla bla bla”, they are your good friends. Only the truest of friends think they know you and can predict what you will or will not do. Doesn’t matter if they are wrong.
Start spending more time with your friends. Go have a beer. Go bowling. Go play gully cricket with a tennis ball, with the gloves and pads on. Be that stupid self you were before your relationship.
The point here is to take your mind off the breakup.
Note: Don’t get too wasted, because that will aggravate your emotions and might even become a habit.
6) In the serial Muktha Muktha, that used to come on ETV Kannada, CSP, a lawyer, says,”There are two kinds of people in this world. When faced with tragedy, some pick themselves up and do better; they use that event to motivate themselves and end up doing something positive. The other kind is that they regress emotionally; do things they would not normally do, things that they in a sobering state would not have done or even thought of doing”, quoting some famous psychiatrist, possibly Freud. I forget the context it was said, but it perfectly fit this.
The ultimate aim in life, even if you hadn’t realised it till now, is to better yourself. You go to school, to college, meet new people, go trekking, make friends, have kids to develop yourself. That process must reignited with renewed vigour and greater commitment.
Join a Gym, go swimming [ 🙂 ], join a Guitar class, go to a Karaoke pub and sing your heart out. But, do something that polishes you into being the gem that every man should strive to be.
Never ever be the latter guy from the above quotation.
7) If it were me, the next time I run into her I wan’t to be a totally different person, in a good way, of course. I want to be better looking, more interesting, more striking as an individual.. And, basically more charming and likeable.
I don’t want to change to such an extent I am not recognisable to her at all.. No, thats not the point. The point is to improve in the areas that she and others admire, but do away with attributes in your character that make you look bad. Change is inevitable, but positive change is a must.
You would not want to do it because you want her back, but because I owe it to myself; Not to get her to miss you, but to make her appreciate you for the man you’ve become; to show the progress you’ve made in all walks of life.
Revenge and contempt and hate are all very bad emotions, they ultimately corrupt you. You should strive to be away from all those things.
8) Do not jump into another Relationship! Well, not so soon at least. Its not fair to the other person, nor yourself. Dating is fine, it helps you get over things faster. But, you know how we Indians are, so emotional and too many Shahrukh Khan movies have taught us to fall in love at the drop of a hat.
Love requires time. Give it.
Also, do not start hating the female species. The action of one girl should not speak for the entire sex.
If she was bad to you, sober yourself with the thought that someone better is waiting for you around the corner. Perspective is the victim in such situations. Remember, men have done far worse things to women. Generalisation is not such a smart idea.
9) Music! I almost forgot(The best point at the last). Its imperative that one is a music lover, more so if you are going through a bad break up. Not all kinds of music are good for these times.
I recommend Classic Rock, House, Techno Trance,etc. No sad Hindi Music, no slow numbers.
If you had my tastes or any taste at all, you have to listen to(If you haven’t any knowledge of them already) Beatles, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Bob Marley, Coldplay, U2, Old Hindi-Pop songs that used to come out in the 90s(Lucky Ali, Sonu Nigam,etc).
Well, thats all I’ve got. Hopefully they are sufficient. But, will update more if I think of them.
Guys, you are not alone. People since centuries and millennia have endured unrequited love, a perfectly Human thing to happen. If you ask me it happens to everyone and must happen to everyone. I think, if it doesn’t happen to you at least once in life, then you are truly missing something; like you have skipped a stage in the grand process of Human Development.
With this, I leave you with a Beatles song.
P.S. I recommend reading the post with the song on. If you have read the post already, try it again with the music on. Many things will start making a lot more sense.