I started this blog for me; to fulfil my urge to write..to be heard; to record those knot-in-the-throat moments; those moments of joy, wonder, excitement; also, of sorrow, missed opportunities, failures whatnot..
Which one of the moments I want to record now you might ask.
Today’s the 9th of July 2012. Its really early in the morning – 3 AM. I sit here in my room, alone; with my parents fast asleep in the room next. I am just done watching the movie – The Bucket List [And, no, this is not a review of the movie]. I’ve hit upon the possibility that I might MIGHT die tomorrow or pretty soon.. You never know.
“What would that be I would like to do or experience before I die?”, is the question the movie made me ask.
The characters in the movie are aged or “developed” in their years. They had seen most aspects of life. I don’t have that advantage. I don’t know what exactly I want, to be honest. My answers are pretty simplistic in nature, I am afraid.
I know I want to have a big family. Kids, a definite yes. Lots of places to see. Lots of people to meet. Europe is definitely on my mind among the places to visit, not to forget the Skydiving.. Did I say Skydiving? I meant Scuba Diving. I wouldn’t torture myself with the thought of flying through the air, attached only to a parachute. I am more of a water guy.
Aah! I can picture it already. The deep blue ocean, I am looking down at the corals, with a school of fish nearby. A Shark approaches. Stop. Back to the topic at hand.
I don’t want to climb the Everest or anything. Too cold, you see.. I prefer the warmer climate of the beach.
I do want one thing more than I care to admit – Love. I don’t have an appetite for that now. But, would be a real loss if it never happens to me ever again. I am a sensitive guy and Teds like me(A character in How I Met Your Mother sitcom I think whom I am most alike) fall in love all the time you might think. Well, I have some issues to work out.. I definitely want to feel the way I felt once, but without History repeating itself from that point onwards.
Do you ever stop being in Love? Come to think of it, you can’t. I am still in love, but with someone who will never, nor can, reciprocate. Its time to move on..
I stopped making sense long time ago, didn’t I!
This is why I love writing. I can make sense or no sense, but end up making perfect sense to myself. I will be making perfect sense to me, even a future me, 20 years or 30 years or, if I am lucky, 40 years from now. I want to record this feeling I felt a long time ago. A feeling about Life, Love and Death. How all these are intertwined. A death of one, makes you remember of life.
I’ll leave my Bucket List incomplete. Perhaps its best left incomplete. What if I achieve everything I set out to from the list I’ve compiled today? Will I be able to say,”I am ready to die now”?
What if I don’t get to complete every task I’ve set myself? That thought scares me. But, I can tell you one thing I will not stop trying.
If I don’t scratch off all the items on my list, I’ll die trying.. That I think is the real message of the movie or the point of life.