Category Archives: Happy

In Pursuit Of Being Cool

I was very uncool in high school. Sure, I had a lot of friends, I was decent in academics, I knew stuff..

But, I wasn’t cool.

Conform-ism : Phase 1 – Follow the leader

The cool people had the latest gadgets, the latest Bikes. They had it going.

Back in 2003 it was the Nokia 6600. Now, its whatever was released last month

Quite obviously, there was a template for cool-ness. Only if I follow the template, assiduously follow the unwritten rules, I’d be Cool.

Cool people tended to have nice rides. OK, Car I won’t get, so the pursuit of buying a new bike started.

Asking, then pleading.. finally, begging Appa to get me a new ride

When he says ‘No’..

When your Dad refuses to buy you the thing you wanted all your life, about which you found out few days ago, after your friend’s dad gifted it to him

When the pursuit of attaining Cool-vana started, it was all about what the coolest kid on the block had.

I entered many years of my life without getting the new bike, or the latest Cellphone.

Conform-ism : Phase 2 – Actions speak louder than words

Then, the realisation dawned that having things are not cool; Simultaneously, another realisation began to take shape that the way one acts, the way we behave is what defined cool-ness.

So, I started doing things what cool people did.

I used the latest slangs.

I updated my Facebook status every single day.

Thou shall update every single act.. Except when doing kakka

If people don’t know what I am doing, whats the whole fucking point of being cool?

You can’t be cool in a bloody vacuum.

I have to share my cool-ness. It’s the only logical thing to do.

The high lasted for a while. People actually thought the carefully calibrated social media image is the real me.

Then, the cool people disappeared. Vanished!

The people were still there, they still behaved the way they did, their vacation pictures of a year ago were still commented upon – especially of the hot chicks.

You are hot.. We get it.

Almost overnight, the cool-people started appearing uncool. Every act was so predictable; every status update seemed so passé.

Everyone you knew were on their quest to be cool..

EVERYONE!

Not everyone can be cool

Cool-vana, you realised, was still eluding you.

You realise that what you realised earlier was a mistake and you start to realise something else.

Nobody gives a shit.. You don’t give a shit about anyone and vice-versa.

You start asking some serious questions about yourself.

So other people are going to dictate what is cool and what is not?

I gotta get out of here!

Rebellion

Looking around, most of the people who appear cool now are, to put it simply – different. I can vaguely recollect an incident 10 years ago of a guy I saw who looked so cool on his new Bullet. This guys knows what he is doing, understands what he wants, finds out what drives him and goes for it.

People react differently at this point.

Some go out to buy their proverbial Bullet.

Rebellion starts.. NOW!

Some start looking for some other cool thing that is supposed to (re)define them and their rebellion. Blogs are created, Cameras bought, Facebook profile pictures changed, sometimes entire accounts deleted; trips are planned, poems are written, books are bought, breaks from  jobs are taken.

Rebels are pretty cool. Granted. But, sadly the entire Human Race is engineered so well that a lot of people around you start doing the same things.

Because, like you, they are going through the same shit in life. As much as we all hate to admit it, a lot of people that we know are in the very same boat as us.

We are NOT different. People who think they are so damn different, are in denial… or, just idiots.

You only think you are

Everybody can’t be a Rebel, or at least not so many people!

Digging deep down ones realizes this act of Rebellion is a charade. More embarrassingly, it was an act, to be witnessed by people around us.

Exploring further, this was yet another pathetic attempt to prove to others how cool I was.

The quest to appear cool has suddenly become uncool. What was cool is uncool, what is cool might not necessarily be accepted by all to be cool.

The Rebellion has lost. The Sith have triumphed. Or, have they?

Cool-vana

After much soul-searching, the cool-ness is still elusive.

A decision is made : To give up everything. To up the illusion of control, the mind-numbing desire to be accepted, to impress. A decision is made to search. But, this time the search will be not be to be considered cool, but to be content.

Being considered by others to be cool, hip and popular is nothing, in the absence of contentment.

Once, this illumination of the mind is near, things begin to happen very rapidly. The mind relaxes, the soul becomes thirsty again. The need for contentment brings along with it, the need to be happy.(Too preachy)

If we were to decide to go do lean on a wall, at the risk of appearing uncool, we should go ahead and do it.

The coolest Goat ever

After all, if I appear uncouth or uncivil or downright weird, so what?

Its better to face facts : No one man can ever be accepted by all and sundry. There’ll always be some dick-head who will hate you, who will disapprove of you, who might even have dreams of stabbing you in your sleep.

All this while, here I thought there is no one single mantra for coolness. During the writing of this piece, I realised(a lot of realisations for one blog piece).. I realised, there could be one simple phrase which will capture the mood perfectly, which will convey the essence of this post in 3 simple words, arranged in a preordained manner, which appears intelligible, yet so simple that it appeals to the most dumbest of beings.

Most importantly, it makes a lot of sense.

Say it after Yoda

Say it again..

One more time

One last time..

I realise compromises have to be made. Life is not so simple as to allow 3 simple words to define it.

I digress badly.

I am forced to conclude the pursuit is not worth it. Cool-ness is subjective. One man’s Cool is another man’s “Oh, that’s disgusting”!

We all can’t be cool; In fact nobody can be cool, all the time.

Pursuit of being cool and accepted, is a need to be happy. Recognise that and everything will fall into place.

Being happy is cool, being content is ultra-cool..

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Filed under About Anoop, Happy, Life

The girl that wasn’t

There she was.. Amidst hungry people,  who were gobbling up whatever the ‘Chat Street’ in Basavangudi was throwing at them. “She looks gorgeous”, you realise. “She is perfect for me”, you tell yourself. You have spoken to her before. In fact, it was one of the greatest conversations you have ever had with another woman.

VV Puram, Sajjan Rao Circle

Dose, Idly, Bhel Puri, Pav Bhaji, Bajji and what not!

Every guy has met a woman.. The woman.

The number doesn’t necessarily have to be restricted to one. After all, if people were allowed to fall in Love only once, the species would have died off long back or the world would be filled with Devdasses. Do not believe Bollywood propaganda..

One meets her either in a Party, or in College, or a place you had been for an interview. She is either your colleague, or classmate, or neighbour, or met her at the Gym. The world is full of possibilities.

You have seen her before, much before you actually spoke to her – in BMS Engineering College fest years ago; after that in a friend’s Birthday Party; after that in some Engagement party your parents managed to drag you into. Every time the reaction was the same – you froze and were mesmerized.

Brain stops working, you are dumfounded as to what to do next

Each time the urge to go talk to her was immense, which was only overwhelmed by the fear of saying something stupid and losing the battle of the nerves and.. the chance to make a decent impression.

Natural Selection

The thing is: she is not the prettiest woman you were attracted to. But, a certain indescribable quality sets her apart, something which even you can’t explain to yourself. Its like Nature is crying out : She is the perfect mate for you, Human Being! 

Love is all Science, you see. Do you think you chose your mate because of Love? How naive..

Nature probably knows more about you than yourself. It knows, for instance, that you are not the most attractive guy out there and is hinting that you should settle down with someone who is more suited to your ugliness.

Nature: Perfect for each other!

You are 6 (on the scale of 1 to 10) and you expect an 8? Aase olledu, duraase kettaddu(due to lack of proper knowledge of either English and/or Kannada, I am unable to translate.. Hoping to get some help soon). 

Karma is a bitch!

As luck would have it, it would not be long before you meet her, this time at a friend’s wedding. As always, she looked radiant. This time it was different. This time a friend manages to drag you and introduce you to all her friends and ‘she’ happens to be one of them.

Yaay!

Life is colourful again!

You quickly get working. You are charming(after years of mental practice, you are finally ready.. You have trained for this and now its time to put it into practice), have managed to make her laugh. Her natural charm is making you comfortable and the conversation is enthralling. Her smile is so disarming, but you keep at it.

You discuss all the right things: Your common friend who just introduced you, other friends you realise both have in common, the latest Aamir Khan movie (She turns out to be Shahrukh Khan fan and you realise he is not that bad after all.. After all Swades – She laughs at your pronunciation of ‘Swades’ – was pretty awesome!), how you and her both miss college life (Oh shit! Another commonality!), where she works, where you work, where she lives, where you live.. “Did you go to the Soul Sante? Wasn’t it amazing!”

“OMG! She is the cousin of a cousin of my friend, whom I know since ages. This is so meant to be!”

You are in love. You are bowled over and the bowler is a 5 foot something, female, looking stunning in a Red Saree and getting her fill of Mosaranna (Curd Rice) right now. The bowler’s secret weapon : No freaking idea!

She is everything you aspire to be like and more – She ignites in you to be a better version of yourself!

“Our kids will have her looks and my brains, hopefully”. “Ok, what should I do next?”.

“Should I tell my friend whose marriage it is, that I have a thing for her friend? Naah, she will be busy with, I don’t know, with the wedding?”

Sketch haaku

“Lets ask her out for a movie!”. The heart is running a race, you look at your male friend who smells something is fishy, who asks, “Yen maam? Yen vishya?(Whats up?)”

You nod your head as to indicate nothing is up and start working on your master plan.

Clubbing? Unsure if she likes it. Lets go to the beach! Too bad, its very far. “Why the hell doesn’t Bangalore have beaches?”. Dinner? Too Hollywood-ey. Bowling? No, there is a good chance I might suck; Can’t risk it. Paint ball! Need too many people. Invite her home for lunch to meet my parents? Not appropriate, too soon. Take her to the secret nature get-away! Might sound creepy. Need a public place for the first date.

Coffee? Good option, but need more than that..

Movie? No, no good Hindi movie in the theatres. Krrrrrish 3, you have promised yourself, you will never ever ever watch in your lifetime and you just know she feels the same.

“Kannada movie? Hmm.. Beda, level hog bidathe.”.

“OK ok.. English movie, then”. Its settled.

“So.. What plans for the weekend?”, you ask hopefully.

“Umm.. I don’t know, shop for a while and maybe catch Gravity with my Fiancé?”.

Trying not to look sad, after hearing some shocking news

Your heart sinks..

Back from flashback

“Yen sakkathagiddale, sisya!(Dude, she is so pretty!)”, you tell your cousin, who is happily married and is currently munching on some delicious Idlies. He gives her a glance and quickly realises his plate is empty and goes for a refill. Clearly, she didn’t make much of an impression on him, or that he indeed is happily married.

You wonder “Are recently married and happily married the same things?”

“Look at her.. Laughing without a care in the world. Man, isn’t she perfect for me!”. You remind yourself of an unmodifiable fact and snap back to reality.

As always, nothing happens, you finish hogging and get in the Car after having one last look at her. “Yella nan Karma“.

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Filed under About Anoop, Happy, India, Life, Love

Typical story of a 20-something IT-guy

A saying goes, “Throw a stone in the streets of Bangalore, it will most probably land on a Software Engineer”. As a 20-something, South Bangalorean, who has other 20-something Bangalorean friends, there are many behavioural patterns which I have observed(many of it applicable to your’s truly and some completely fictional).

Fresh from college, we join some IT-major, hoping of earning big bucks, give it our everything the first 2 years and then(THEN!) things start to change.

A rebel needs a nice ride

After toiling for many months, the quarter life crises kicks in. Many people are at crossroads. Some would have sacrificed their teenage years and shunned anything fun in the hopes of becoming a success. Then!

Then, everything seems meaningless and confusing, all of a sudden. The guy who used to come to college drunk goes on to get a better job than you, while you, who kissed hairy asses of lecturers in college, end up in a boring, seemingly dead-end job.

Some who had fun in college, who had a wild time in college, start remising about the good old days. Your old girlfriends are getting married..  Its time for a change, its time for the old rebel to come back!

Buy a fucking-bullet(hell yeah!).

Frontiers never explored become a destination all of a sudden. Every rebel aches to be unique and The Bullet is the perfect cure. Its so illogical, its logical!

Only a madman will buy a Bullet!

“I have bought The Ultimate Machine!”, you convince yourself.

Three years later, it turns out 6 out of your 10 friends have bought their Bullets and suddenly, yours seems heavy, fuel guzzling and, mostly importantly, no longer unique. You have been to 2 far-away places on your bike, last one being Ooty, 13 months ago, where the monsoon fury made sure your ride was not only dangerous, but wet and utterly uncomfortable.

A car seems a better option now. “Even the butt ugly Nano will do”, you think for a brief moment when the rain is pounding on your helmet, making it difficult for you to see even 10 metres ahead.

Get-a-digi-cam

Big bucks, easy EMI options and a sudden craving for the Arts makes most of us fantasise about owning a killer Cam. You have unexplored creative energy bubbling within you and the boring humdrum of office life seems colourless.. and Eureka! You have an idea..

For a weeks and months you log into sites which review cameras and consult the many photographers, you happen to meet almost everywhere you go. Then you settle on your baby.

Its got a long lens, xyz mm, its black and it takes great photos of the clouds hovering above. You take those pictures and post them on Facebook with the tag line, “My first Photos with my brand new xxx Camera!”. You abuse FB the first few months and spam everyone in your friends list. Your friends who used to like most of your photos taken in a rickety old Nokia, start ignoring them.

As with The Bullet, this particular experimentation with quarter life crises peters out.

Al-ca-gal!

Some of us discover(rediscover) something spectacular – Alcohol. The dusky beauty adds meaning to life, purpose to weekends. Weekends become exciting. Pub-hopping starts!

The combination of rising prices combined with rising monthly EMI payments on your costly nothings combined with near stagnant salary, eat into your Pub-Hopping budgets.

Lakshmi Bar near BDA Complex, Banashankari, seems more alluring; and, monetarily makes much more sense. 🙂

You are one-step away from being a counter-kudka(Counter as in bar counter. Kudka a drunk). But, for you its time for fun. Its also time to make up for lost time you have spent not drinking! When drunk you fear the time when a creature comes and taketh awayth the bottle of Kingfisher Premium Beer; you shudder to think of getting married and losing all this freedom.

“Why don’t you come meet my parents? My dad is looking for a rishta for me.”

She was hot in college, ever so pretty… She loved me and I her. Yes, she has gained a few kgs, so what? So have I. Now,I barely make enough to sustain myself and she wants us to get married and have kids! Her biological clock is ticking, mine just started..

What about my beer!

I am still a kid. So what I have a stable job and my dad has built for me a 60-40 house in JP Nagar.. ITS NOT TIME TO GET MARRIED!

Either, its your Girlfriend on your case or, in some cases, your parents. “Yaavaga thamma maduve?(When are you getting married?)”, asks your aunt mischievously(everybody is either an aunt or an uncle) in one of the weddings your parents manage to drag you into. “Yaarannardru hudkondidiya?(Have you found someone?)”, is a double edged sword. Those who have girlfriends can’t answer honestly, those who don’t, feel pathetic that they don’t have one. Strange conundrum..

You make her wait for an year, thinking, “She loves me too much to not wait for me”. One day you are hanging out at your adda and a friend of a friend tells you that your girlfriend is getting married. You stand there for a few seconds.. stunned.

She was not picking up for the past 3 days and you never had thought twice about it. Your tiny world is coming crashing down now. The love of your life has succumbed to her parents wishes and whims.

She has blocked you on FB, changed her number, cuts off all lines of communication. Your common friends inform you that the engagement is next week. You are shattered.

“She told me she loves me!”.

The Bullet, The Digi-Cam, the brand new Car seems pointless. You are 24 and lost.

Lets study!

College was fun. Bunk classes, goto your adda near college, conveniently located to smoke-up, where none of your lecturers can see you. Plan trips and actually manage to go! Its been ages since you have been to any new place now. The last one was Gokarna for the new year, 9 months ago.

You are 26 now, your girlfriend has either left you or you never had one(better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all?). You have been working in the same project for the past 3 years. Nothing excites you anymore. Digi-Cam is safely locked up in the cupboard, turns out you are not that great an artist or just realised “Every other fucker out there thinks he is a photographer!”. Subconsciously, you don’t want a reminder how normal your life is. Nothing is hatke if everyone starts doing it. Why did so many of my friends turn to Photography? Bastards..

Time for something new – Time to do Masters in US! (Hell yeah!)

When it hits you, it really hits you.. The monotony of life is unbearable. You dream of dating white chicks, clubbing in Germany.. basically, getting away from everything you are. You want something new in your life. The current routine just doesn’t work anymore.

Masters is a perfect choice. Not only get a degree out of it, but a chance to settle in the country you studied in, should you choose to later.

Start studying for GRE, learn by-heart the meaning of every single word in the English language. Either Masters or you threaten quitting if your project doesn’t initiates H1B. “Onsite, here I come!”

You arrive to seek your version of Shangri-La. Finally!

6 months later you start missing home-made filter coffee, your friends talking shit after getting piss drunk in the local bar, the beautiful weather of Bangalore… The list starts expanding as long as you stay in Faarin.

Everything has changed!

You come home after 2 years of Faarin. Your anaemic friend is fat; your fat friend is thin. “Did he have a beard before I left Bangalore?… Huh.”

Some of your friends are married. In some extreme cases, have had kids! “How can a guy who behaved like a kid, when I left, have one?”

You get ready and text message everyone to come to adda, just like old times (Ah, the old times).. When you finally get there in an Auto(You had sold your bike, your first bike, just before you went to do your Masters), after cursing how Auto rates have increased, look left to find a spanking new Restaurant standing in the place where your adda used to be.

The one last remaining link to your old life has disappeared forever.

“Ok, I’ve tried to accomplish everything what I wanted. I’ve succeeded in some, failed in some. I am running out of ideas. Lets just say yes to Mom… Lets get married”

You do have fun with your masters. Meet new people, experience new things, see new places. You are at a good place.

Like any other night, you are skyping with Appa and Amma. They suggest marriage. You say no and that ends there. You get up and head for work, they go back to sleep. Next day, the insistence is a little more stronger. This time ‘No’ drags on to some 10 minutes. The day after that..

You finally succumb to parental pressure and say, ‘yes’.

But, you have seen the world. Have met new people and have become pessimistic about Arranged marriage. But, there is no option. You are in America, you can’t find a decent Indian Girl in the US(well, you can, but chances are low) of your same Caste and who meets your long list of parameter of a perfect woman.

Life has taught you some hard lessons. “How can I get engaged to someone whom I’ve met only 2 months ago?”.

“She is nice”, you admit, “but she is no..”, you zone out thinking about your ex. Besides, what if she is putting on a facade and after marriage is seems completely different to what she managed to projected as herself to be?

Haunting questions.

A little bit of you died the day you found out about ‘her’ engagement. After years, you have progressed to a point that you think about ‘her’ only once in a day. “Am I really being fair to the girl with whom I am going to get married to?”, you ponder. “Shouldn’t marriages happen out of love? Sure she is nice, but she is no..”.

“Its been so many years, I’ve not fallen for anyone, I’ve never even fancied anyone. Am I incapable of falling in Love? Has she broken me, perhaps, forever? Does she think of me, like I think of ‘her’?”

You actually get married, to someone who was a complete stranger only 6 months ago. Your life changes forever..

The 20s come to an end.

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Things that make you a 90s kid from Bangalore

1) If your first favourite channel was DD2. The other choice was DD1.

2) The number of rings of the phone meant different things. Example: One meant call me back, two meant I am leaving house now.

3) There was only 3 actors in Bollywood – the 3 Khans. Well, not much has changed since then.

4) The number of channels available on cable increased, but for you there was only one channel that mattered – Cartoon Network.

My favourite channel of yesteryears.

5) If Cricket was the only sport you knew. No F1, No Football, No nothing..

6) You have seen Sachin Tendulkar in his prime. And, Brian Lara was the second best batsman, not Ricky Ponting, not Amla, not Hussey.

7) If you have debated with your friends who is better Dravid or Tendulkar.

8) If you have debated and still do debate, who is better Shahrukh or Aamir.

9) If you thought once Johnny Lever was the funniest guy alive.

10) You grew up with independent music movement or pop music, which sadly died out. You grew up with songs from Lucky Ali, Pankaj Udhas, Sonu Nigam, Euphoria, Bombay Vikings,etc. Please do add in the comments if you think this illustrious list requires some more additions. The songs coupled with the surreal videos added so much joy to your childhood.

11) If you thought there wasn’t a better looking girl than Aishwarya Rai and no man can match the handsomeness of Salman Khan. When they were together, it made so much sense..then..

12) Your dad had a Scooter or a Bike. Car was something a Doctor had(I know it sounds strange, but I actually thought it was so when I was a kid). He would take you for a ride everyday and drop you back and head on his way.

13) The only DJ you knew was DJ Aqeel and thought he was GREAT! 😛

14) If your teachers had thought making you sit next to a girl in class was “punishment”! I met my teachers and they are doing the opposite now.

15) If your favourite serials/TV shows were ‘Dekh Bhai Dekh‘, ‘Alif Laila‘ and Jaspal Bhatti’s brilliant ‘Flop Show‘. You parents preferred ‘Shanti’, ‘Maya Mruga’ and other stuff.. There is this TV show I used to love which used to be telecast on DD2 or DD1, but can’t place the name. The other notable mentions are Chandrakanta, Shriman Shrimati.

16) You used to just enjoy the Bangalore weather, now you just compare it to the good old times. Traffic was not even an issue then! Summer Holidays in Bangalore were the best in India. Indian Summer is brutal, but Bangalore was an exception. You went Swimming, played Cricket, roamed around the adjoining areas on your bicycle, used to spent the 2 or 3 Rupees you get as pocket money on candy or bhel-puri.

17) If you were able to reach from point A to point B, without ever fearing the sun. The tree cover has disappeared now. I used to travel from school to house, without worrying about the heat.

18) You have played a form of hide and seek – “Dabba”, especially during the power cuts. Video games were a distant dream, only your rich classmate had one and that was the object of your desire, which most of that era never really got when they needed it. You knew how to fly Kites, play “bugari”(I really don’t know if there is a name for it in English.. The thing which spins on a nail after you roll a thread around it and throw it in a certain way).

19) Your first favourite director was, well.. Upendra! 🙂

20) Your Ajji told you stories of the notorious monkey, while she fed you ghee and salt rice. When she passes, that was the first time you felt real pain and cry your eyes out. You can still hear her sweet voice calling your name out. You going to your ‘Ajji mane'[Grandmother’s place] was the favourite excuse you had if you take a leave from school.

Ajji

She passed away when I was in 6th or 7th Standard. Sadly I can remember only one story from the hundreds she used to tell me every day.

21) There was this one Uncle or Grandfather or Cousin, who loved to take you with him to Dwarka “Hotel”, Vidyarthi Bhavan and Brahmin’s Cafe to feed you delicious Idlies or Dosas or Karabath-Kesaribath, with filter coffee in the end.

22) If you have scratches and bruises all over your body from all the climbing of trees, buildings, digging sand deposited for a nearby construction, falling off of the bicycle. I don’t see the kids today doing any of the stuff we did back then.

23) You dreamed of getting a Dog and name it Scooby. Every other Dog was named Scooby then! lol.

24) You tried to collect Music in the form of Audio Tapes. Now, you don’t even have a device to play them. Same with Video tapes, Video Cassette Players are long gone, they sit there on the shelf reminding you of simpler times.

25) You had lot of relatives visiting your place, staying over. Now, people are too busy to come or don’t want to take the trouble in this Bangalore traffic.

I’d love to hear your favourite 90s moment too in the comments section. 🙂

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My Bucket List

I started this blog for me; to fulfil my urge to write..to be heard; to record those knot-in-the-throat moments; those moments of joy, wonder, excitement; also, of sorrow, missed opportunities, failures whatnot..

Which one of the moments I want to record now you might ask.

Today’s the 9th of July 2012. Its really early in the morning – 3 AM. I sit here in my room, alone; with my parents fast asleep in the room next. I am just done watching the movie – The Bucket List [And, no, this is not a review of the movie]. I’ve hit upon the possibility that I might MIGHT die tomorrow or pretty soon.. You never know.

“What would that be I would like to do or experience before I die?”, is the question the movie made me ask.

The characters in the movie are aged or “developed” in their years. They had seen most aspects of life. I don’t have that advantage. I don’t know what exactly I want, to be honest. My answers are pretty simplistic in nature, I am afraid.

I know I want to have a big family. Kids, a definite yes. Lots of places to see. Lots of people to meet. Europe is definitely on my mind among the places to visit, not to forget the Skydiving.. Did I say Skydiving? I meant Scuba Diving. I wouldn’t torture myself with the thought of flying through the air, attached only to a parachute. I am more of a water guy.

Aah! I can picture it already. The deep blue ocean, I am looking down at the corals, with a school of fish nearby. A Shark approaches. Stop. Back to the topic at hand.

I don’t want to climb the Everest or anything. Too cold, you see.. I prefer the warmer climate of the beach.

I do want one thing more than I care to admit – Love. I don’t have an appetite for that now. But, would be a real loss if it never happens to me ever again. I am a sensitive guy and Teds like me(A character in How I Met Your Mother sitcom I think whom I am most alike) fall in love all the time you might think. Well, I have some issues to work out.. I definitely want to feel the way I felt once, but without History repeating itself from that point onwards.

Do you ever stop being in Love? Come to think of it, you can’t. I am still in love, but with someone who will never, nor can, reciprocate. Its time to move on..

I stopped making sense long time ago, didn’t I!

This is why I love writing. I can make sense or no sense, but end up making perfect sense to myself. I will be making perfect sense to me, even a future me, 20 years or 30 years or, if I am lucky, 40 years from now. I want to record this feeling I felt a long time ago. A feeling about Life, Love and Death. How all these are intertwined. A death of one, makes you remember of life.

I’ll leave my Bucket List incomplete. Perhaps its best left incomplete. What if I achieve everything I set out to from the list I’ve compiled today? Will I be able to say,”I am ready to die now”?

What if I don’t get to complete every task I’ve set myself? That thought scares me. But, I can tell you one thing I will not stop trying.

If I don’t scratch off all the items  on my list, I’ll die trying.. That I think is the real message of the movie or the point of life.

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Suffered a heartbreak? Read on…

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend and that friend had suffered a heartbreak recently(Of the romantic kind). I was giving him some pointers; which I thought were really worthy of sharing it with everyone in the Universe.. well, at least who have an Internet connection.

I really don’t know if the following methods are universal, but its perfect for Indian men(hopefully).

Here we go:

1) If you have photos, letters, gifts,etc from her, hide it. Do NOT throw them away. She would have given it out of some amount of adoration and its really disrespectful of her memory to throw it away. You would have had some wonderful time with her, cherish it, but do not obsess about it!

Remember, its about moving on, not disowning your relationship or the happy moments you had together. She was part of your history and will always will be. Cherish her memory, wish her well.

Take the material side effects of the relationship and put it in a cupboard, safe and sound.

2) Do NOT try to develop hateful emotions towards anyone(even if they were primarily responsible for your breakup, whoever it maybe); nor, it goes without saying, do anything to hurt her or anyone else. You are a better person than that.

3) Every relationship, not just romantic ones, teaches you something which can’t be put in words. If you are a teenager or a person in your early 20s, it is even more true. Do not forget the lessons of life. You are a better person today than you had been before you met her, you truly are, despite the pain. Do not mistake pain for failure.

Remember, you are the other half in that relationship. You have also contributed to her life and grown in the process.

4) Women have higher EQ. Men don’t. I get a feeling they are better equipped to deal with this. They do not need a tutorial or a post from an idiot blogger, to tell them what to do.

Do not call her. Its not your business anymore how she is dealing with the pain. As harsh it might seem, do not call her asking how she is doing.

Trust me, it makes it worse. If she says she is doing well, you will be angry and think she didn’t mean all those things she said before. If she says she is not doing well, you lose the progress you have made since your last breakup and there is a danger you have to start all over again.

Clearly, there is no way this will go right.

5) Friends. If you have heard some people say, “I know you, dude.. bla bla bla”, they are your good friends. Only the truest of friends think they know you and can predict what you will or will not do. Doesn’t matter if they are wrong.

Start spending more time with your friends. Go have a beer. Go bowling. Go play gully cricket with a tennis ball, with the gloves and pads on. Be that stupid self you were before your relationship.

The point here is to take your mind off the breakup.

Note: Don’t get too wasted, because that will aggravate your emotions and might even become a habit.

6) In the serial Muktha Muktha, that used to come on ETV Kannada, CSP, a lawyer, says,”There are two kinds of people in this world. When faced with tragedy, some pick themselves up and do better; they use that event to motivate themselves and end up doing something positive. The other kind is that they regress emotionally; do things they would not normally do, things that they in a sobering state would not have done or even thought of doing”, quoting some famous psychiatrist, possibly Freud. I forget the context it was said, but it perfectly fit this.

The ultimate aim in life, even if you hadn’t realised it till now, is to better yourself. You go to school, to college, meet new people, go trekking, make friends, have kids to develop yourself. That process must reignited with renewed vigour and greater commitment.

Join a Gym, go swimming [ 🙂 ], join a Guitar class, go to a Karaoke pub and sing your heart out. But, do something that polishes you into being the gem that every man should strive to be.

Never ever be the latter guy from the above quotation.

7) If it were me, the next time I run into her I wan’t to be a totally different person, in a good way, of course. I want to be better looking, more interesting, more striking as an individual.. And, basically more charming and likeable.

I don’t want to change to such an extent I am not recognisable to her at all.. No, thats not the point. The point is to improve in the areas that she and others admire, but do away with attributes in your character that make you look bad. Change is inevitable, but positive change is a must.

You would not want to do it because you want her back, but because I owe it to myself; Not to get her to miss you, but to make her appreciate you for the man you’ve become; to show the progress you’ve made in all walks of life.

Revenge and contempt and hate are all very bad emotions, they ultimately corrupt you. You should strive to be away from all those things.

8) Do not jump into another Relationship!  Well, not so soon at least. Its not fair to the other person, nor yourself. Dating is fine, it helps you get over things faster. But, you know how we Indians are, so emotional and too many Shahrukh Khan movies have taught us to fall in love at the drop of a hat.

Love requires time. Give it.

Also, do not start hating the female species. The action of one girl should not speak for the entire sex.

If she was bad to you, sober yourself with the thought that someone better is waiting for you around the corner. Perspective is the victim in such situations. Remember, men have done far worse things to women. Generalisation is not such a smart idea.

9) Music! I almost forgot(The best point at the last). Its imperative that one is a music lover, more so if you are going through a bad break up. Not all kinds of music are good for these times.

I recommend Classic Rock, House, Techno Trance,etc. No sad Hindi Music, no slow numbers.

If you had my tastes or any taste at all, you have to listen to(If you haven’t any knowledge of them already) Beatles, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Bob Marley, Coldplay, U2, Old Hindi-Pop songs that used to come out in the 90s(Lucky Ali, Sonu Nigam,etc).

Well, thats all I’ve got. Hopefully they are sufficient. But, will update more if I think of them.

Guys, you are not alone. People since centuries and millennia have endured unrequited love, a perfectly Human thing to happen. If you ask me it happens to everyone and must happen to everyone. I think, if it doesn’t happen to you at least once in life, then you are truly missing something; like you have skipped a stage in the grand process of Human Development.

With this, I leave you with a Beatles song.

P.S. I recommend reading the post with the song on. If you have read the post already, try it again with the music on. Many things will start making a lot more sense.

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Filed under Happy, Life, Love, S

All grown up

Few things will make you beam with joy and at the same time will make you appreciate how much not only have you grown and matured but people most nearest to you as well have.

Your ‘Sisya’ (a colloquial Kannada slang; literal meaning: Student) – who is in fact 3 years older to you; with whom you have spent the best part of your childhood and shared your dreams and aspirations; who has stood by you, has been your only Constant in this ever changing world – getting married is one such event.

Shreesha and Amruta at the advent of their new life together

This piece is not about me, its about my ‘Sisya’, who has been my ‘Guru’ more than him being my ‘Sisya’.

There are not many people in this world whom you remember as far back as memory goes. Let me not overstate our love for each other. We are not Jay and Veeru of the ‘Sholay’ fame. We are just ordinary mortals, doing our best to be a good friend to the other.

I have successfully taught him how to ride a bicycle, he has successfully corrected my ways(a guardian angel, if you will?), when I have started traversing down the wrong path. I have failed at teaching him to do a proper dive in the Swimming Pool, he has failed at teaching me how to Bat in Cricket. It is a relationship of convenience, yet even at times of inconvenience we have stood by each other.

Brothers fight, but we never have. You fight for various reasons, siblings do it in a quest for resources and self-interest. We do no carry such heavy burdens. We are brothers, but of the most noblest, kindest kind.

In a way our association is above these petty things.

Not to say our friendship has not been tested.. it has been. But, the bond was too great to break.

Amrita is the newest entrant to his life. One whom I can call the highly respected and revered word in India – ‘Bhabhi’.

When wonderful things happen, when pieces fall perfectly into their respective places in the gigantic jigsaw of life, you begin to believe in a force greater than you and I.

I do not know what the future holds, but I have a sense things will work out just great in this case.

Happy Married life, Sisya.

With Love,

Your Sisya.

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Filed under About Anoop, Happy, Life, Love