Tag Archives: Love Lost

The girl that wasn’t

There she was.. Amidst hungry people,  who were gobbling up whatever the ‘Chat Street’ in Basavangudi was throwing at them. “She looks gorgeous”, you realise. “She is perfect for me”, you tell yourself. You have spoken to her before. In fact, it was one of the greatest conversations you have ever had with another woman.

VV Puram, Sajjan Rao Circle

Dose, Idly, Bhel Puri, Pav Bhaji, Bajji and what not!

Every guy has met a woman.. The woman.

The number doesn’t necessarily have to be restricted to one. After all, if people were allowed to fall in Love only once, the species would have died off long back or the world would be filled with Devdasses. Do not believe Bollywood propaganda..

One meets her either in a Party, or in College, or a place you had been for an interview. She is either your colleague, or classmate, or neighbour, or met her at the Gym. The world is full of possibilities.

You have seen her before, much before you actually spoke to her – in BMS Engineering College fest years ago; after that in a friend’s Birthday Party; after that in some Engagement party your parents managed to drag you into. Every time the reaction was the same – you froze and were mesmerized.

Brain stops working, you are dumfounded as to what to do next

Each time the urge to go talk to her was immense, which was only overwhelmed by the fear of saying something stupid and losing the battle of the nerves and.. the chance to make a decent impression.

Natural Selection

The thing is: she is not the prettiest woman you were attracted to. But, a certain indescribable quality sets her apart, something which even you can’t explain to yourself. Its like Nature is crying out : She is the perfect mate for you, Human Being! 

Love is all Science, you see. Do you think you chose your mate because of Love? How naive..

Nature probably knows more about you than yourself. It knows, for instance, that you are not the most attractive guy out there and is hinting that you should settle down with someone who is more suited to your ugliness.

Nature: Perfect for each other!

You are 6 (on the scale of 1 to 10) and you expect an 8? Aase olledu, duraase kettaddu(due to lack of proper knowledge of either English and/or Kannada, I am unable to translate.. Hoping to get some help soon). 

Karma is a bitch!

As luck would have it, it would not be long before you meet her, this time at a friend’s wedding. As always, she looked radiant. This time it was different. This time a friend manages to drag you and introduce you to all her friends and ‘she’ happens to be one of them.

Yaay!

Life is colourful again!

You quickly get working. You are charming(after years of mental practice, you are finally ready.. You have trained for this and now its time to put it into practice), have managed to make her laugh. Her natural charm is making you comfortable and the conversation is enthralling. Her smile is so disarming, but you keep at it.

You discuss all the right things: Your common friend who just introduced you, other friends you realise both have in common, the latest Aamir Khan movie (She turns out to be Shahrukh Khan fan and you realise he is not that bad after all.. After all Swades – She laughs at your pronunciation of ‘Swades’ – was pretty awesome!), how you and her both miss college life (Oh shit! Another commonality!), where she works, where you work, where she lives, where you live.. “Did you go to the Soul Sante? Wasn’t it amazing!”

“OMG! She is the cousin of a cousin of my friend, whom I know since ages. This is so meant to be!”

You are in love. You are bowled over and the bowler is a 5 foot something, female, looking stunning in a Red Saree and getting her fill of Mosaranna (Curd Rice) right now. The bowler’s secret weapon : No freaking idea!

She is everything you aspire to be like and more – She ignites in you to be a better version of yourself!

“Our kids will have her looks and my brains, hopefully”. “Ok, what should I do next?”.

“Should I tell my friend whose marriage it is, that I have a thing for her friend? Naah, she will be busy with, I don’t know, with the wedding?”

Sketch haaku

“Lets ask her out for a movie!”. The heart is running a race, you look at your male friend who smells something is fishy, who asks, “Yen maam? Yen vishya?(Whats up?)”

You nod your head as to indicate nothing is up and start working on your master plan.

Clubbing? Unsure if she likes it. Lets go to the beach! Too bad, its very far. “Why the hell doesn’t Bangalore have beaches?”. Dinner? Too Hollywood-ey. Bowling? No, there is a good chance I might suck; Can’t risk it. Paint ball! Need too many people. Invite her home for lunch to meet my parents? Not appropriate, too soon. Take her to the secret nature get-away! Might sound creepy. Need a public place for the first date.

Coffee? Good option, but need more than that..

Movie? No, no good Hindi movie in the theatres. Krrrrrish 3, you have promised yourself, you will never ever ever watch in your lifetime and you just know she feels the same.

“Kannada movie? Hmm.. Beda, level hog bidathe.”.

“OK ok.. English movie, then”. Its settled.

“So.. What plans for the weekend?”, you ask hopefully.

“Umm.. I don’t know, shop for a while and maybe catch Gravity with my Fiancé?”.

Trying not to look sad, after hearing some shocking news

Your heart sinks..

Back from flashback

“Yen sakkathagiddale, sisya!(Dude, she is so pretty!)”, you tell your cousin, who is happily married and is currently munching on some delicious Idlies. He gives her a glance and quickly realises his plate is empty and goes for a refill. Clearly, she didn’t make much of an impression on him, or that he indeed is happily married.

You wonder “Are recently married and happily married the same things?”

“Look at her.. Laughing without a care in the world. Man, isn’t she perfect for me!”. You remind yourself of an unmodifiable fact and snap back to reality.

As always, nothing happens, you finish hogging and get in the Car after having one last look at her. “Yella nan Karma“.

10 Comments

Filed under About Anoop, Happy, India, Life, Love

Songs that just get you!

What is with tones and sounds, even random noise, when arranged in succession or in a combination resembling a certain pattern, that just gets you[blatantly plagiarised from Webster Dictionary’s definition of Music].

If are you someone like me and never forgets an event, a word, a detail of people who once were dear, and still are; coming across something- a restaurant, a Facebook tag, a link to their blog- anything that reminds you of them is really hard.

You begin to question the adage that Art imitates Life in such events. Crazy images start flashing by; images of a  old you, the more innocent you, the naive you, sharing a space and moment with that person, somewhere, anywhere, in total bliss and harmony. Enter Music. Depending on the turn of events the sound either represents melancholy or nostalgia or .. I don’t know what to call it.

All I know is today, I came across something that reminded me of that certain someone and a song popped into my head. If I were to associate the emotion one feels at such a juncture to a song, this would fit the bill.

I talked about when things work out so well, you begin to quell the doubts you have about the existence of an intelligent maker. This strange and wonderful mix of emotion and music, in perfect sync, makes you wonder if this wasn’t a design from a supreme source. How can two things so perfectly gel together, so well! Think about it.

Whatever it is.. Like most things in my life, I like, as well as, don’t like, this feeling. I want to get it out of my system. As wonderful and utterly human as this emotion might be, not such a big fan of it.

Sometimes, some songs just get you.. They just do..

Leave a comment

Filed under About Anoop, Life, Love, S

Suffered a heartbreak? Read on…

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend and that friend had suffered a heartbreak recently(Of the romantic kind). I was giving him some pointers; which I thought were really worthy of sharing it with everyone in the Universe.. well, at least who have an Internet connection.

I really don’t know if the following methods are universal, but its perfect for Indian men(hopefully).

Here we go:

1) If you have photos, letters, gifts,etc from her, hide it. Do NOT throw them away. She would have given it out of some amount of adoration and its really disrespectful of her memory to throw it away. You would have had some wonderful time with her, cherish it, but do not obsess about it!

Remember, its about moving on, not disowning your relationship or the happy moments you had together. She was part of your history and will always will be. Cherish her memory, wish her well.

Take the material side effects of the relationship and put it in a cupboard, safe and sound.

2) Do NOT try to develop hateful emotions towards anyone(even if they were primarily responsible for your breakup, whoever it maybe); nor, it goes without saying, do anything to hurt her or anyone else. You are a better person than that.

3) Every relationship, not just romantic ones, teaches you something which can’t be put in words. If you are a teenager or a person in your early 20s, it is even more true. Do not forget the lessons of life. You are a better person today than you had been before you met her, you truly are, despite the pain. Do not mistake pain for failure.

Remember, you are the other half in that relationship. You have also contributed to her life and grown in the process.

4) Women have higher EQ. Men don’t. I get a feeling they are better equipped to deal with this. They do not need a tutorial or a post from an idiot blogger, to tell them what to do.

Do not call her. Its not your business anymore how she is dealing with the pain. As harsh it might seem, do not call her asking how she is doing.

Trust me, it makes it worse. If she says she is doing well, you will be angry and think she didn’t mean all those things she said before. If she says she is not doing well, you lose the progress you have made since your last breakup and there is a danger you have to start all over again.

Clearly, there is no way this will go right.

5) Friends. If you have heard some people say, “I know you, dude.. bla bla bla”, they are your good friends. Only the truest of friends think they know you and can predict what you will or will not do. Doesn’t matter if they are wrong.

Start spending more time with your friends. Go have a beer. Go bowling. Go play gully cricket with a tennis ball, with the gloves and pads on. Be that stupid self you were before your relationship.

The point here is to take your mind off the breakup.

Note: Don’t get too wasted, because that will aggravate your emotions and might even become a habit.

6) In the serial Muktha Muktha, that used to come on ETV Kannada, CSP, a lawyer, says,”There are two kinds of people in this world. When faced with tragedy, some pick themselves up and do better; they use that event to motivate themselves and end up doing something positive. The other kind is that they regress emotionally; do things they would not normally do, things that they in a sobering state would not have done or even thought of doing”, quoting some famous psychiatrist, possibly Freud. I forget the context it was said, but it perfectly fit this.

The ultimate aim in life, even if you hadn’t realised it till now, is to better yourself. You go to school, to college, meet new people, go trekking, make friends, have kids to develop yourself. That process must reignited with renewed vigour and greater commitment.

Join a Gym, go swimming [ 🙂 ], join a Guitar class, go to a Karaoke pub and sing your heart out. But, do something that polishes you into being the gem that every man should strive to be.

Never ever be the latter guy from the above quotation.

7) If it were me, the next time I run into her I wan’t to be a totally different person, in a good way, of course. I want to be better looking, more interesting, more striking as an individual.. And, basically more charming and likeable.

I don’t want to change to such an extent I am not recognisable to her at all.. No, thats not the point. The point is to improve in the areas that she and others admire, but do away with attributes in your character that make you look bad. Change is inevitable, but positive change is a must.

You would not want to do it because you want her back, but because I owe it to myself; Not to get her to miss you, but to make her appreciate you for the man you’ve become; to show the progress you’ve made in all walks of life.

Revenge and contempt and hate are all very bad emotions, they ultimately corrupt you. You should strive to be away from all those things.

8) Do not jump into another Relationship!  Well, not so soon at least. Its not fair to the other person, nor yourself. Dating is fine, it helps you get over things faster. But, you know how we Indians are, so emotional and too many Shahrukh Khan movies have taught us to fall in love at the drop of a hat.

Love requires time. Give it.

Also, do not start hating the female species. The action of one girl should not speak for the entire sex.

If she was bad to you, sober yourself with the thought that someone better is waiting for you around the corner. Perspective is the victim in such situations. Remember, men have done far worse things to women. Generalisation is not such a smart idea.

9) Music! I almost forgot(The best point at the last). Its imperative that one is a music lover, more so if you are going through a bad break up. Not all kinds of music are good for these times.

I recommend Classic Rock, House, Techno Trance,etc. No sad Hindi Music, no slow numbers.

If you had my tastes or any taste at all, you have to listen to(If you haven’t any knowledge of them already) Beatles, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Bob Marley, Coldplay, U2, Old Hindi-Pop songs that used to come out in the 90s(Lucky Ali, Sonu Nigam,etc).

Well, thats all I’ve got. Hopefully they are sufficient. But, will update more if I think of them.

Guys, you are not alone. People since centuries and millennia have endured unrequited love, a perfectly Human thing to happen. If you ask me it happens to everyone and must happen to everyone. I think, if it doesn’t happen to you at least once in life, then you are truly missing something; like you have skipped a stage in the grand process of Human Development.

With this, I leave you with a Beatles song.

P.S. I recommend reading the post with the song on. If you have read the post already, try it again with the music on. Many things will start making a lot more sense.

1 Comment

Filed under Happy, Life, Love, S